WHO GETS A MIRACLE OR WHY HEAVEN IS LIKE RHODE ISLAND POLITICS

I watched a 20/20 episode a while back about miracles and the Catholic Church. And why would a heathen such as myself, known hater of the Catholic Church watch such a thing? Well it wasn’t my intention. There was just one part I wanted to see. It was about a man in Fall River who suddenly stood up and walked after 30 years. I was interested because I had heard a promo mention the particular spinal problem he had, it was a condition I happen to know something about, and I knew his getting up and walking was impossible. Unfortunately, there was virtually no discussion about the medical aspect but by then I was hooked…

You see, part of the discussion had led me to the discovery that Heaven is run just like Rhode Island politics. It’s not what you know, it’s who you know! Well, you know I had to keep watching…

The pastor of the church the man in Fall River belongs to said that people privately came up to him to ask why that man was chosen for a miracle, why not them. He gave the boring explanation of we can’t understand God’s big plan blah blah blah. But there was another priest who was interviewed and he had a much more interesting explanation. According to him, a saint is a special person who has caught God’s eye and has His ear so to speak, and can ask Him for a special favor. He further pointed out if you wanted better odds of getting a miracle you would be well advised to pray to someone who is one miracle short of becoming a saint!

This was quite an eye opener for me. I will admit I am a bit iffy on the whole God subject. Maybe He exists and maybe He doesn’t – or She. And if He does exist, I’m not sure I actually LIKE Him. I started to have issues early on. When I was only five, a priest told me I was a little bastard. This was not because I had just walked up and kicked him in the shins – in which case I could have forgiven the comment – it was because my mother had married a divorced man and therefore as far as the church was concerned, my parents weren’t married. Then going to Catholic school, I was told by the nuns that God was all forgiving. If God is all forgiving, how did they explain hell? They can’t tell me God is all forgiving on one hand and then turn around and tell me hell exists. And don’t get me started on purgatory. I mean really? Heaven has a waiting room? As you can imagine, the nuns went pale when my hand went up in religion class. And I question why we are here at all. Okay, evolution I can deal with but God CREATED us in His image… Why? What kind of sadistic bastard is He? He was bored one day so He made His own Barbies and Kens to play with? Because if He was this good loving God they would have us believe, and He wanted to create people, He would have given us happy lives. He wouldn’t make us suffer they way we do. So if there is a God and if there is a devil, I suspect I would rather like the devil better, as a person – you know what you are getting. And now, on top of it all, I am hearing that God has favorites…

Well, if indeed God has favorites and one person can catch His eye over another, I figure I got an inside track on a miracle. Because it is not possible to ignore my daughter. I have no doubt that she has God’s ear. I am quite sure she has His undivided attention as a matter of fact. The nuns told us that when we got to heaven we could have anything we wanted – but we wouldn’t want anything because being in the presence of God was all we would want. Hate to argue with you Sister Angelus, but I got wants. The only reason I hope they are right about this whole heaven concept is I want to see and be with my daughter. And my father. God doesn’t figure in my equation. But allowing that I am wrong and they are right and now knowing He has favorites, I have a lot of praying to do – to my daughter and my father. Both were masterful at politics. And living so many years in RI, the concept of it’s not what you know it’s who you know, is a concept I totally get. And what’s with this shit about a miracle being medical? A cure? Hell no! A miracle will be me making my next mortgage payment despite the odds. A little lottery win perhaps. My car starting or finding a parking place. I don’t ask for HUGE things. I am easy to please. There’s gonna be a lot of praying going on here, I assure you.

Advertisements